It's Friday. I'm in love.

It is a telling, telling time when you draw more inspiration from the Letters page of the August 30th issue of People than anything else. I should maybe just turn this blog into a People fanzine. I would have reams of material to draw from.

Proof 1.

I suffered a severe case of emotional whiplash after reading about the Marines coming home from Afghanistan and then turning the page to see the ridiculousness that is the Jersey Shore cast. Could there be two groups of people so completely the opposite in relevance and importance?

...I just love picturing Debi, of Garland, Texas furrowing her brow and typing this letter with rage and believing in the journalistic integrity of this publication.

Proof 2.

They print retractions about misspelling someone's name in the Puzzler. I would really love to be a clue in the People crossword. I think that's the sign of true, common-denominator cultural ubiquity. Although I have to admit I have no idea who Gordon MacRae is, beyond the fact that his name was misspelled in last week's Puzzler.

I know it's probably becoming excessive and maybe even a little creepy, but I really do love People Magazine. I don't know where else I would learn that Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence have a SITCOM on TELEVISION where he plays her MANNY. YES, REALLY! Is it so wrong that I'd like to download the first season? Is it so bad that I am earnestly glad that Sabrina the Teenage Witch is doing alright? Is it unforgivable that I am now going to make you all watch Joey Lawrence's music video?



The answer to all these questions is yes, yes, oh my gosh yes.

Miles away, just up ahead.

Last night I drove home after a wedding and after dark, and I lived to tell the tale. I kept myself awake by thinking about really dumb stuff. Here's a short summary.

1. This is the loneliest hour on the 401. Trust me, I've driven this road around the clock far too many times.

2. The sheer number of New Country songs based upon the "I ain't been to college, but I got more learnin's than those city folk" trope is terribly frightening.

3. Nevertheless, I do concede that ladies love country boys.

4. Chris Bohjalian is the literary M. Night Shyamalan. What's more, their names nearly rhyme.

5. Every major life event should include an end-of-night cheese tray/candy bar option.

6. I think I've gotten to the point in my spiritual development where I can appreciate and maybe even relate to a religious celebration that once would have really offended me in its supposed antifeminism, like, in this case, a Greek Orthodox wedding. I guess spirituality is more important than religion. I guess ceremony transcends belief, in a way.

7. That said, until yesterday, my entire frame of reference for Greek Orthodox wedding ceremonies was drawn from an old episode of Full House where DJ accidentally marries one of Uncle Jesse's visiting relatives by walking around the table with him. (Don't worry, guys! They just walked backwards around it and all was forgiven!)

8. If in some bizarro world artistic merit is judged by radio play alone, Kelly Clarkson is our generation's most important creative voice.

9. I really, really like Kelly Clarkson.