you, sir, are an idiot.

As part of my ongoing resolution to give up dudes for the forty dark days of lent, I am engaging in many exercises of self-encouragement and self-dissuasion. In that spirit, here is a by-no-means-comprehensive list of the dumb shit I have done in the name of wooing boys.

1. Pretended to be interested in libertarianism.

2. Pretended to be interested in minimal techno music. (In fact, this one actually turned on me and became real, although I think I was under the influence of several mind-altering substances at the time.)

3. Read a book by Slavoj Zisek and feigned an understanding of Lacanian psychoanalysis.

4. Listened to way too many of Mahler's symphonies more times than I care to admit.

5. Went to see a really bad documentary about Beethoven. IN THE THEATRE.

6. Lied about my abiding love of The Smiths so he could tell me more about them.

7. Pretended not to have a car so he could walk me home, thereby incurring a 50$ parking ticket for staying on the street overnight (thanks again, City of Ottawa, you vile hellmouth).

8. Considered converting to Catholicism (those were dark days).

9. Considered moving to Argentina so he could do a post-doc on something that had nothing to do with Argentina.

10. Baked peach cobbler in a third floor kitchen the size of a broom closet on the hottest day of July, nearly dying of heat exhaustion in the process, so I could impress him at a potluck.

11. Got lost in a blizzard outside Perth, Ontario, searching desperately for a beer store at which to buy him Creemore tall cans. (I have since learned the location of every liquor outlet in eastern Ontario.)

12. Spent no less than a million dollars on Go Train tickets to Oshawa (although really, those were some damned fun weekends, and he made me some incredible mix tapes for the long trips).

I am such a good feminist.